Cromey Online

The writings of author, therapist, and priest Robert Warren Cromey.

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Location: San Francisco, California, United States

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Conjugal Love and thanks to Dostoyevsky


The principal intensity of my life was not gambling, nor writing, nor religion. It is the searing, generous, absoluteness of conjugal love.
-said of Dostoyevsky and I take it to myself.

I found this quote somewhere and I whole-heartedly agree with the sentiment. Conjugal love, sexual pleasure, physical and emotional intimacy with Ann, is the most important thing in my life and I endorse it absolutely. That is not to say that the search for justice and peace, following the teachings of Jesus and my family are not important, certainly they are. The principal intensity of my life, “searing, generous, absoluteness of conjugal love” is basic to my being. The quote put into clear and powerful perspective what I have believed all along. I am accused and accuse myself of being a sex fiend, sex-crazed, and sex consumed. Guilty as charged.

Had I not screwed around as much as I had, I would not know the sheer joy of conjugal love with Ann. Had our personalities matched and needs coincided, I would not be satisfied with conjugal love. Had our differences of interest, personality and focus not be so pronounced, we could not even get along. The cliché of “opposites attract” is well illustrated in our lives together.

Ann loves travel, has great curiosity, intellectual depth and loves detail. I, however, have a mile interest in travel, little curiosity, are not very deep and hate detail.

Ann enjoys stylish clothes, has a great concern for health, has a few close friends and is a nutritious eater. I wear comfortable and casual clothes, have minimum health concerns, many casual friends and will eat anything.

Ann has great patience, worries a lot, loves teaching, loves learning, has a mild interest in religion, is enthusiastic and cheerful. I have almost no patience, worry little, am an impatient teacher, I am a “know it all,” have much interest in religion, am calm and curmudgeonly.

The things we have in common are: lots of sex, fidelity, physical expressions of love, verbal expressions of love, we are open and honest, share everything, tell the truth, are easy about money and are not greedy.

The End of Sex written by George Leonard, an old friend, was written in 1983. The sub title is Erotic Love After the Sexual Revolution. One important point he makes is a call for high monogamy. Loyalty, courtesy patience and enthusiasm for each other’s enthusiasms are important parts of a couple’s agreement to live in high monogamy. He presents the following paradox. “The more I am truly myself, the more I can be truly with you. The more I am truly at one with you, the more I can be truly myself.” Conjugal love and high monogamy make a powerful combination.

Thank you Ann, Fyodor and George.


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