Cromey Online

The writings of author, therapist, and priest Robert Warren Cromey.

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Location: San Francisco, California, United States

Friday, April 05, 2013

Triangulate, Go to the Source, Peace

In church, business, school and family life, we find things we don’t like. Sometimes the preacher says something with which we disagree. We usually tell a friend or neighbor what bothers us. That sets up a triangle between the preacher, the offended one and the friend. As a result change can’t happen, anger is not resolved and gossip results.

A more creative approach is to “go to the source.” The offended person might better go to the person, in this case the preacher who has said something with which one disagrees. A conversation with the source, the preacher, might bring clarification to what was said, what was understood and perhaps understanding will result.

People think they should not criticize what preachers say or how they say it. A good preacher loves to hear feedback, responses and disagreement if there is any. It is better to tell the preacher directly than to tell other people what you don’t like. Preachers like everyone love to be acknowledged. They can learn from what others say to them both negative and positive.

At the office we may have a colleague who talks too much at meetings. What we normally do is triangulate. We go to someone else and complain about the talker. The creative action is to go to the over-talker and gently tell him or her what the behavior is that bothers you. It takes courage, yes, but that action can bring about change. Triangulation stops movement. Going to the source brings understanding and peace.



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