THE GOOD FUNERAL - BOOK REVIEW

The Good Funeral

Thomas G. Long and Thomas Lynch

Westminster John Knox Press 2013

Funerals have gone to hell is the assumption made by our authors. Long is a Presbyterian Minister and scholar, Lynch is an undertaker and poet/writer. With humor, self revelation and glorious anecdotes about funeral practices past and present, they decry the corpseless ceremonies common today. Ashes are often present at funerals but that is not a body.  Celebrations of life are galas of narcissistic recollection of the formerly alive and their impact on the attenders.

Both authors recount the fear and loathing most people have of the lifeless corpse by most Americans and the British. The thought of an American family keeping the dead body around, washing, anointing and dressing it is repulsive to most people. They want the funeral director to take her away ASAP. Muslims, however, do claim, wash, anoint and dress the lifeless body with great respect and honor. They feel privileged to do so.

I must confess that when I or one of my loved ones dies, I want the undertaking profession to remove the body from home or hospital and take it to a mortuary to prepared the body for disposal in the way I think is appropriate. I am new fashioned, not old. I have instructions in place for the disposal of my corpse. My wife and I are in agreement about that.

The authors take us through the stages of what happens after the death of a body.

Concern for the body, care for the bereaved , and disposition of the body. Each phase takes thought and deliberation. The authors provide the various options within the stages. For instance, the clergy and undertaker need to make sure the family is comforted, counseled and supported in their grief. Disposition gives options – burial, cremation, scattering at sea or on the mantel.

Lynch the undertaker excoriates his profession for becoming sales people for casket companies, clothiers, cemeteries and insurance companies. Long the cleric criticizes the clergy for letting the undertaker take over the role of the clergy in organizing funeral rites and graveside practices. For instance, clergy using silver vials of  sand to sprinkle the coffin rather than real dirt and sending the mourners away before the casket is lowered into the ground. The authors’ concern is the proper honoring of the deceased and seeing the disposition to the end.

Both authors spend some time reviewing the work of Jessica Mitford’s 1963 book The American way of Death. They appreciate her revealing the price-gouging of the bereaved in selling caskets and paraphernalia by greedy undertakers. Her book brought about legislation controlling these practices. However, they decried her devaluing of care for the body of the deceased and rituals and funerary rites in general. Ms. Mitford is uncomfortable with the human body and wants it out of sight and mind as soon as possible. She seems to have no concern for grief and mourning. Her philosophy is, get on with your life.  Long and Lynch pay close attention to the human need to go through a process and grief and mourning, often impossible now with the notions of a celebration of life. No mourning or tears allowed.

During the 1980s in San Francisco we were bombarded with funerals for young men who died of AIDS. Clergy, undertakers and the medical profession all were totally unprepared for the onslaught of the disease. One of my doctor friends said, “Robert, please don’t send me any more patients, we don’t know what to do for them.” Some funeral directors would not take bodies of men who had died of AIDS. Some churches wanted nothing to do with homosexuals, dead or alive.

At Trinity Church, San Francisco we had 75 funerals over a six year period. It meant that the clergy and laity looked after the dying patient, his love, parents, grandparents and sometimes even children who came to mourn and grieve for the deceased loved one.

The Good Funeral is a fine book for clergy, undertakers and all of us facing the choices to be made at the time of our own deaths and the demise of our loved ones and friends.